alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
