Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
