when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
