i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
