oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
