There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
