That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
