great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
