Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just pee around me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
