I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
