Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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