Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
