I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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