i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
