Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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