you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
