So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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