Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
