How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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