i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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