i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
