I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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