I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
