I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
