so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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