why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
