Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
