i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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