I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A bitchslap is in order.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
