I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
