just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
