I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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