Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
