The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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