Already got asked if we're dating
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
