Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
