Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
