dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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