eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
