if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
