I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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