just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
