I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
