I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
