there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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