every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
