I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
