a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
