Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
