Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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