The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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