Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
