I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
