She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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